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Excerpt From The Relationship Handbook:
How to Understand and Improve Every Relationship in Your Life
by Kevin B. Burk
Balancing
Mars and Venus in Each of Us
When we think of
ourselves first and foremost as human, we’ve taken the first
step towards regaining our balance. Gender does not define who
we are. Gender is nothing more than a biological point of view.
Once we take 2,500 years of ego- and fear-based conditioning out
of the picture, the main difference between men and women is
whether we have indoor or outdoor plumbing. We are not our
bodies. Our bodies are nothing more than a suit of clothes worn
by our spirit. The main differences are that our spirits wear
our bodies for longer than our bodies wear our clothes, and our
bodies are harder to dry clean. Men and women do have different
points of view, but what matters is that we are all human. And
every human has equal amounts of masculine and feminine energy.
It would be easier
to embrace this truth if we had a better understanding of
exactly what “masculine” and “feminine” really mean. Our
current definitions are inexorably linked to gender, sexuality,
biology, and the ego-based lie of male superiority. We have lost
touch with many of the qualities that were once associated with
the feminine. In order to rediscover these qualities, we have to
go back more than 2,500 years and explore the culture of Ancient
Greece.
The Ancient Greeks
were the last civilization to include reasonably healthy
feminine archetypes. Of the twelve Gods in Olympus, five of them
were women. Until very recently, though, we only embraced three
of the feminine archetypes. Women could be sex objects, in which
case they connected with the archetype of Aphrodite (or Venus,
in the Roman pantheon), the Goddess of Love, Desire and Beauty.
Women could be wives, in which case they connected with the
archetype of Hera, the wife of Zeus and the Goddess of
Marriage—who, despite her tremendous strength and cunning, was
repeatedly forced to be subservient to her philandering husband.
And women could be mothers, in which case they connected with
the archetype of Hestia, the Goddess of the Hearth and protector
of the home. These three archetypes embodied the sum total of
the feminine for more than 2,000 years. The male ego
successfully suppressed the powerful female archetypes of Athena
and Artemis, who collectively embody feminine strength, skill
and mastery.
Athena was the
Goddess of Wisdom, Reason and Purity. Severing our connection to
her archetype was no small feat, as Athena was one of the most
revered and respected of all of the Olympians. In fact, the city
of Athens is named after her. Athena was fair, just, and an
incredibly powerful warrior. She was the embodiment of feminine
strength. While Ares, the God of War (and the Greek counterpart
to Mars, the Roman God of War) was wantonly destructive,
childish, violent, aggressive, and ultimately a coward, Athena
was proud, strong, and courageous. More importantly, Athena
would only fight in order to defend the city—she would never
initiate any conflicts, and she always preferred diplomacy to
warfare.
Athena is the
archetype of the female warrior. Female warriors are in no way
inferior to male warriors: Time and again, women have proved
that they are in every way equal to men on the battlefield. The
difference is that female warriors do not fight in the same way
that male warriors do, nor do they fight for the same reasons.
Male warriors fight to attack, while female warriors fight to
defend. The female warrior archetype has returned, however. We
see it when Sarah Michelle Gellar beats up vampires and saves
the world (while still maintaining every ounce of her
femininity) in Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and when Lucy
Lawless battles warlords, gods and monsters alike in Xena,
Warrior Princess. More recently, we see Guinevere portrayed
as a warrior in Walt Disney and Jerry Bruckheimer’s 2004 film
retelling of King Arthur.
Artemis, the Goddess
of the Hunt, is the archetype of the female athlete. In every
way, she was the equal of her brother, Apollo. Artemis has
returned as a useful archetype for women today, thanks to the
popularity of women’s athletics. Women now have role models
and opportunities to explore their physical strength, and test
and improve their skills through competitive sports.
We have always
measured “masculinity” based on strength, power, and skill,
but these qualities are as present in women as they are in men.
Women were supposed to be delicate flowers who needed men to
protect them. The truth, however, is that while men may have the
edge over women in terms of brute strength, that women often
surpass men in skill and dexterity. Once we take biology and
reproduction out of the equation, men and women are very evenly
matched. So what then, are the truly “masculine” and
“feminine” qualities? The masculine principle is focused,
expressive, and direct. The feminine principle is diffuse,
intuitive, and receptive. The feminine principle provides the
container to support the masculine energy. Masculine energy
expands, and feminine energy contracts. Any action can be
“masculine” or “feminine” in nature, depending on how it
is applied. Warrior energy on its own is neither masculine nor
feminine. It becomes masculine when we attack in order to expand
our borders; it becomes feminine when we fight to defend and
protect our tribe from invasion.
It’s true that men
tend to be more in touch with the more “masculine” or yang
aspects, while women tend to be more in touch with the more
“feminine” or yin aspects. But not being aware of or
familiar with our complimentary nature doesn’t mean that we
can’t learn about it and express it. This, in fact, is the
reason that men and women form relationships with each other.
Our partners are our mirrors, and when men and women relate to
each other—whether that relationship is sexual or not—what
we see reflected is our complimentary nature. We see the parts
of ourselves that we haven’t integrated or owned yet. And
through our relationships with the opposite gender, we learn how
to connect with and own these parts of ourselves, and experience
true balance. We need to learn to acknowledge, accept and
embrace these two complimentary natures. We each have both Mars
and Venus within us, and we need to learn how to appreciate and
express them both.
Kevin B. Burk is the
author of The Relationship Handbook: How to Understand and
Improve Every Relationship in Your Life. Visit http://www.everyrelationship.com
for a FREE report on creating AMAZING Relationships.
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